On feeling lonely...

It seems as though I've been complaining for so long about a being lonely. It reaches far beyond feeling lonely--it's reached the point of feeling alone. It's funny to feel alone in a place where so many people tell me I am loved and cared for. I am constantly trying to find what God is teaching me though this. Is he teaching me to rely in him fully? I am trying so hard. I honestly don't know what that would even mean in my life. I desire so much to do that. Just to give him everything--my whole heart. I pray that he would teach me what that means. Teach me how to give everything over to him. That's really all I want. I want to know in my heart of hearts that I am fiercely loved by my king. I know it in my head and I truly believe it, but I don't remember the last time I felt it. I'm so struggling to find esperanza en la oscuridad.